


Missing You

by Falling_Has_Never_Been_More_Fun



Series: What's Left Of Us Without You [1]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Multi, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:42:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23387563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Falling_Has_Never_Been_More_Fun/pseuds/Falling_Has_Never_Been_More_Fun
Summary: Five-0 looses one of their own.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: What's Left Of Us Without You [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1737592
Comments: 9
Kudos: 55





	Missing You

The Five-O task force had a bad habit of not mourning and instead going on bloody revenge kicks that ended with a lot of property damage and dead suspects. To be fair the task force has a track record of just shooting their suspects, and asking questions never.

But this time there wasn’t anyone to hunt done and kill. This time there was just a body and an empty hole where their big kahuna was supposed to be. This time it was a kid who shot a wild bullet that somehow found a home in Steve’s chest.

The Five-O Ohana didn’t deal with loss very well. They didn’t deal with this loss at all.

Chin hadn’t slept in days, the dark bags under his eyes looked like they’d set up camp and weren’t going anywhere. After Malia, Steve was the one who had drug him from the brink, helped him deal. Steve wouldn’t be there this time to have coffee at 3am. Steve wouldn’t be there to give Chin the wakeup call he knew he’d need. All over again Chin was going to have to try to find a way to sleep, when all he saw when he closed his eyes was Danny covered in blood and sobbing.

Kono hadn’t let go of Adam or her baby once since she’d gotten the call. She couldn’t help but think that had she been there, maybe Steve wouldn’t have been shot. Maybe he would have been a couple of seconds slower or faster, maybe…there were a lot of maybe’s, but there was nothing to help the nauseous feeling in her gut that she wasn’t there when her Ohana needed her the most. Kono tightened her already tight grip on Adam and snuggled her daughter closer to her chest. Born just hours before Steve…. she couldn’t even bring herself to think the word. She was named after him, Stephanie and just like her uncle little Steph was already a handful.

Lou couldn’t enter the palace. He’d tried. He met Steve there. He worked with Steve there. Lou had thought the insane man would always be there. It just didn’t feel right for him to be able to walk into HQ and not see Steve there. Lou just couldn’t do it.

Max was called in to do the autopsy; the team didn’t trust anyone else. It took him twice as long to complete it because he had to keep stopping to wipe his eyes.

Five-O didn’t deal with loss. They just didn’t.

Danny hadn’t moved in almost twelve hours. He was still in his service uniform, though he’d lost his jacket at some point, when he didn’t know. the new jersey native was avoiding blinking, because every time he blinked he saw snippets of the past week. 

Blink. Blood covered his hands.

Blink. Steve wasn’t breathing.

Blink. Steve laying on a hospital bed his lips blue, chest unmoving.  
Blink. Kono barely able to move from 20 hours of labor, holding Stephanie as she bawled her eyes out.

Blink. Gracie sobbing that she wanted her Uncle Steve.

Blink. The day of the funeral was frustratingly sunny. Blink. The flag being laid in Mary’s lap. Blink, blink, blink. The snapshots kept coming, tormenting Danny as he fought to just breath.

His chest felt restricted had felt that way since the funeral, when Steve’s lawyer had given him the letter. Actually Danny’s chest had felt that way ever since he saw Steve go down.

[ It was obvious that the drug deal had already gone down by the time five-o made it to the warehouse, luckily for the team they managed to stop the kid who’d been a drug mule before he could run. The buyers had taken off Lou and Chin running after him.  
It wasn’t real clear what had happened next, except the kid pulled a gun and Steve being Steve called the weapon even as he jumped in front of Danny. “Gun!”  
Danny being the good detective that he was he managed to get a shot off at the same time as he was violently pushed to the side. He hit his mark, but he didn’t factor in the kid getting one off before Danny.  
Looking around Danny felt his heart stop when he saw his partner fall, blood still a pink mist in the air. Moving as if he was stuck in molasses Danny kneeled next to Steve and felt for a pulse, fingers shaking on the already pale skin of the SEAL’s neck.  
Sighing in relief at the faint pounding of Steve’s carotid, Danny scanned the unmoving body before him. Gulping when he saw the hole in Steve’s chest, Danny slapped both his hands over the torrent of blood.  
“Open your eyes. Come on, Steve open your eyes.” Pressing hard on the hole in Steve’s chest just covered Danny’s hands in blood but didn’t do a whole hell of a lot. The groan he received for his efforts was only a little gratifying.  
“Danny? Steve? Steve!?”  
“Chin, here! Call an ambulance, Steve’s been hit.” Was that really Danny’s voice? It sounded seconds away from braking  
“Danny! Ambo in route how bad is…” Chin ho Kelly stopped dead in his tracks his words faltering as he took in the blood covered detective, and unresponsive body of his boss.]

It’s the little things that change the most, and it’s the little things that hurt the deepest. Danny still has to stop himself from tossing his keys to the right, from looking to his side and making a stupid comment about some ninja impossible thing. He has to stop himself from dialing the number in his phone that at some point without his noticing became so ingrained in his brain that he’d know the number in his sleep. 

The ocean once a nightmare in its own right, now sounds like an old friend. The deep blue the color of laughing eyes Danny would never forget. The sound reminiscent of a deep voice that could command even God.

It never surprised any one that Danny was the one who took it the hardest. He moved offices only when the governor forced him to take on the leadership of the Task Force, though he left the office untouched. The one-time chin tried to talk to him about changing the name on the door Danny hadn’t talked to the team for a week. They didn’t mention the office again.

Gracie was the only one who was able to get the old Danno back even if just for a few moments at a time. The detectives smile hadn’t reached his eyes in a while, and his laugh hadn’t been loud and giddy like it used to be. The team were grateful for Grace, because without her they were pretty sure they’d have lost both of their leaders.

Danny knew he took it hard, he also knew that it wasn’t rational that he’d take his partners death harder than his little brothers. But when were feelings ever rational? 

The stone at Danny’s back radiated a kind of warmth that wasn’t just from the sun, and the longboard in his hand had long since lost its appeal. The others had left after saying a few words like they did every other time this day came around. They always said this was Danny’s day. He knew they each had a day that specifically held a place in each of their hearts.

Marry had been to the stone once before she was never heard from again, her and Joan living safely on the mainland. Doris wasn’t told.

Chin rarely came to the stone he said it wasn’t where he felt Steve’s presence though he did come visit one other time. Chin’s was the day he Steve had stopped their coffee outings after Malia’s death, he looked at it as the time his friend had helped him put his life back together.

Kono always made her way to visit on the anniversary of her first case. Steve was like a second father to her so she made the first time she made Steve proud her day. She liked to spend the entire time just talking to him.

Lou’s day wasn’t something most people would think would leave the best impression. On the anniversary of their first meeting Lou took a six pack and shared it with the warm stone with his friend’s name carved into it.

Nahale never went to the stone, he went to the beach with a football and threw at the water until the urge to cry was gone and he could look at his son without seeing the man he was named after.

Gracie went to the grave with more regularity than anyone but she never went to the stone with her father, occasionally with Charlie and only ever once with the Five-O Ohana. The time she spent leaned against the sun kissed stone was usually spent telling Steve about her day and how much she missed her Uncle, she didn’t like to talk about her Danno because she felt that what she had to say would upset Steve.

Most of Steve’s family had found the good in life and had moved on the best they could, but Danny had just looked at his friends and family and said, the good in life had left with his partner. Usually he could be found leaned against the stone after a bad case, or anytime something had reminded him of what was missing. They all drew straws on those nights to see who would have the privilege of piecing Danny back together. But they left him alone on the memorial night.

Danny pressed his back harder against the stone, as if he could trap the warmth by force of will. His right hand clenched the longboard in his hand the condensation having long since been gone. His left gently stroked the crumpled, tear streaked letter in his hand. The words having been smudged beyond all recognition were burned in Danny’s mind.

[“Danno,  
I used to watch the guys write these letters to their wives and kids but I never really had anyone to miss me so this is my first, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to write, other than I’m sorry. I am so very sorry. I never wanted to leave you, but you have to know that the only way I don’t make it back to you is so that you could.  
I’ve said it a million times and it’ll never be enough, I love you Danny, and if I died so that you could go home to your kids then I’ve lived a good life. I’ve done more than I ever thought, I’ve had more love in my life than I could imagine, I would never give any of it, any of you, up if I had a choice.”]

“You always had a choice. Damn-it Steven, you could’ve chosen to stay.” Danny hung his head and sobbed into his chest, tonight was the only time he allowed himself to cry. It was the only time he allowed himself to show the breaks in his heart.

[“I don’t have much, most of the things that made my life worth the heartache were you and the kids. But the car and the house are Nahale’s, he was the son I always wanted, him and Charlie the best boys I could ever ask for. Oh Gracie, If the boys were my soul, then she was my mind, I know you never understood our love of the ocean and science but it always made my day to see her. I’ve given her the best thing I could, you.  
Did you know that she made me promise to always bring you home to her? I have done my best to always keep that promise, so if your reading this, my heart, my Danno, its so that you could go home to your kids and I could keep my promise to that special little girl.  
Always,  
Your Superseal]

“Our kids, you ass, they were our kids and they needed you too.” Fluttering his fingers over the smudged words Danny imagined things as they could have been. Of waking up to early mornings and a warm embrace. To raising their brood of kids together maybe even adopting another little girl. Of watching Charlie graduate the police academy, and Grace getting accepted into the SEALs. Of Gracie marring William, the both of them giving her away. Of Nahale following in his adopted father’s footsteps and being the most reckless cop in Hawaii. Of them growing old together and being happy. Always of them being together.

Even in all of Danny’s nightmares it had never crossed his mind that he’d still be around when Steve wasn’t, he’d always kind of figured they’d both go at the same time. He was supposed to be the pessimist the one always prepared for the worst case scenario, but nothing had prepared him for the cold lonely existence without his partner.

“We have a couple of new guys” Danny was just talking now not bothering to care if he looked like a crazy person it was his night to grieve. “Junior is a lot like you reckless and fresh out of the Navy.” He’d never be like the force of nature that came before him but he brought memories of Steve when they’d just started out. “he’s a good kid, a little messed up, but I think the navy just does that to people.”

“Tani though is crazy, she’s a female you with more self-preservation. They have this whole will they or wont they thing going on. It brings memories of us when we first started.” Tani was Steve as he’d been there at the end, strong and street smart but no longer out to prove anything. “Here’s to hoping they get their shit together before one of them gets hurt.”

Tipping his bottle to the imagined silhouette of his friend Danny wanted nothing more than to just give up to go to sleep and never wake up again. But Steve would kick his ass and then Gracie would be left alone with the boys who would eventually set the entirety of Hawaii on fire. 

“I miss you babe,” his voice sounded weak and teary, but he couldn’t feel the tears on his face, he couldn’t feel much of anything past the pain in his chest and the gaping hole in his soul. 

Later when he wakes up in his own bed with a bottle of water and a couple of aspirin on his night stand he’ll wonder which of his team had to scrape him up and listen to his drunken ramblings about his dead partner. He’ll wonder if it’s Chin who has trouble sleeping still, or if it was Lou who still refuses to enter the palace. If it was Kono she’d have crawled into bed with him and held him as they cried. He’ll wonder if he said anything they don’t already know.

He’ll wonder if he imagined the voice of his long dead partner, of his could have been lover, or if Steve’s ghostly voice really had whispered in his ear, “I never left you babe.” 

But wondering aside Danny knew he had a job to do, and he knew he’d be back at that stone reading a letter and imaging what could have beens before too long, until he was buried six feet under in the plot next to steve.

**Author's Note:**

> this has been gathering dust for forever so here you go. if you want to give me constructive criticism about my writing i gladly welcome it. thank you for reading hope you liked it.


End file.
